woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
babies were throwing up all over the place
My cat gives me a boner
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
