This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
