Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
