I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
