This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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