if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
