I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
