the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
