He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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