Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
