The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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