Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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