well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
