Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
In America we eat man semen.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
