And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
