I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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