I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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