My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
