your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
