nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
