Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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