Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
