I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
