YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
