Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
