wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
