I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
