with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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