If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
