so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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