just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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