Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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