Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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