I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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