Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
