So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
