lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dignity is for republicans.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
