you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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