this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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