My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
