He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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