Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
