I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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