I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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