hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
