I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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