I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Four minutes until I can fart!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize