Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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