whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
