I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
