im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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