Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
