For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
