YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
