My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
