Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize