as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
