So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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