right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
