that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
