I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
