just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
