i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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