So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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