I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
