You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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