Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
