it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
