i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
